Who Did That?!

Reese did that.  People have long been suspicious that Reese’s husband and agent has an alcohol problem, and two nights ago it was all but confirmed when Atlanta police pulled over a green Ford Focus rental car that they noticed swerving in and out of right and wrong lanes.  When the police decided to arrest Reese’s husband, she warned them…”You’re about to find out who I am!”   When they asked her to get back in the car she told them that she, as an American citizen, has every right to stand on American soil.  How’s that for constitutional rights?  Good job Reese…and nice mug.

Advertisements

Tone It Down

The Boston Police captured the second bomber late Friday evening after a 10 minute firefight, several explosions, and with the aid of heat vision helicopters and robots. Anti-drone advocates can rest easy, as no unmanned aircraft were used. However, we should be concerned with the BPD, as it seems (by their CAPTURED!!! tweet) that their social media chief is the same age as the young man they were hunting. You’re the BPD, not Chad Ochocinco, please…

Order In The Court

So here’s how it went down.  The judge was all like, “Musharraf, you’re under arrest.”  Then Musharraf, boss that he is, looked at his security detail and was like, “Well, time to go.”  And they escorted him to his escape vehicle.  The former military dictator of Pakistan just chucked up the deuces and bounced from the court room after being placed under arrest.  BOSS!

Popping Pills

About to kick the bucket?  Take a Tylenol.  New research out of The University of British Columbia has found that acetaminophen has a previously undiscovered numbing effect on the part of the brain that causes anxiety over death.  Yet, for those that find even the extra strength to be insufficient, consider a bottle of Jack Daniels or an ounce of Pineapple Express.  If you’re really about to die and still super scared check with your doctor before seeking something stronger.

Look Out Your Windows

NASA claims to have discovered two new planets about 1,200 lightyears away.  For those dieters looking for a nice walk, that is 7,200,000,000,000,000 miles.  The two planets are Earth-sized and positioned by their sun at a distance that would allow liquid water.  For these reasons, scientists believe there may be life on the planets, and some believe there is advanced life.  Unfortunately, budget cuts mean less powerful lenses for the financially strapped government space agency, so we won’t be able to prove the existence of this imagined Whoville.

Shot Down

This one isn’t surprising…Congress failed.  The gun laws were shot down on the floor of the Senate.

Cooling Off

The screams of global warming journalists are growing softer as seemingly less and less evidence supports the theory.  In a report published in The Guardian, it seems that many European scientist are climbing down off the wagon and many American scientists are following suit.  Of course, no other credible scientists were on board.  If these heating trends are indeed reversing, expect another uproar about plummeting temperatures and doomsday in 100,000 years.

Hacked

https://i0.wp.com/i1-news.softpedia-static.com/images/news2/Samsung-Galaxy-K-Arrives-in-South-Korea-3.jpg

It’s not all pretty, smiling faces at Samsung.  The Korean technology giant has allegedly been cyber-attacking HTC.  The attacks are being investigated by Taiwanese officials, who believe that Samsung has been paying off college students to talk smack about HTC online.  Talk about guerilla advertising!!  The false advertising lawsuit could result in a fine up to $1 million daddy-o’s.

Ladies and GENTLEMAN…He’s got a new one!!

Psy is back with his new hit Gentleman.  Psy fills his new classic with hot chicks, cool dance moves, hillarious pranks and, of course, tons of words that we can’t understand with a few words and phrases that we can.  Gotta Love Psy!!

Gun Free Zones

The former hit show, Glee, touched a nerve last night when they released an episode clearly criticizing the dangers of gun free zones. In the episode, glee club was just getting started when gunshots were heard in the hallways. Because there was no symetrical defensive weapons available on the grounds, the students and teachers were forced to hide in fear for their lives. This message has received mixed reviews from the public.